Men's Issues

There are concerns that are unique to men, or, at least, require a particular approach if men are to move toward wholeness, both individually and collectively (it is impossible to seperate the two).  Men in the 21st century tend to have either a false sense of bravado or a nagging uncertainy.  These are often entwined in a most confusing fashion.  

The past 60 years have seen 5 major wars for American men (WW II, Korea, VietNam, Gulf War and Iraq).  Of course, the latter 2 wars have involved women to a larger extent than previous in American history.  In terms of the male collective unconcious, there is great insecurity and fear because of almost continual warfare.  

The rapidity of social and technological change have exacerbated men's ability to cope.  We are working longer hours and, in "real dollars," for less money. At the turn of the 19th to the 20th century, most men were closer to their sons (and daughters) both in living situation and work.  Often, this involved working the land from an early age, side by side with the father.  As the Industrial Age moved forward, fathers went off to work and had increasingly less contact with family.  Sons had less of a role model present.  There is a great deal of father longing in our culture.

American society teaches boys from an early age to compete with each other (grades, athletics, girls, etc), to minimize feelings (except for anger, which is socially sanctioned) and to rely solely on themselves.  A boy's inner world is devalued and his external world exaggerated.   Boys are taught to be monochromatic in their sexual expression.  To be sure, athletics and academics are extremely valuable and important in male development; however, this emphasis limits the body-mind-heart growth of a young man.  While there are certain "natural selection" forces always at work, "survival of the fittest" is also a choice we make, a value we uphold.  We need only look at the huge salaries paid, for example, to professional athletes versus the salaries of public servants (firefighters, peace officers, etc).

In short, men are taught to disregard their feeling tone, inner world and the contemplative aspects of life while emphasizing competiveness and external "success."  This bias injures the male psyche - narrows its depth and constricts its expressiveness - and, consequentially, the World Soul.

Some of the issues that men bring to psychotherapy are:

An inability to resolve childhood trauma. 

Indulging in destructive behaviors, especially in relationships, due to unresolved family of origin                        dynamics.

Often relentless feelings of "not being good enough," or, the opposite, usually manifesting as "I have to              win or be better than the next person," or the extreme "I AM better than others."

Lack of meaningful sense of calling and vocation.

"Who am I and who am I becoming?"

Sense of irritablity, frustration, resentment, anger about their maleness and life situation.

"I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't."

Loneliness and feelings of being alone and/or underappreciated.

Lack of positive male models and mentors.

Various symptoms of lack of wholeness in the psyche, such as serial relationships, addictions,                        depression, anxieties and the like (these relational and "psychiatric" issues are generally ONLY                 symptoms, not the real issue which is USUALLY soul neglect or underdevelopment).

Lack of spiritual direction, formation and maturation; spiritual neglect.

Some common, often neglected developmental tasks for men are:

"Moving from the Mother and toward the Father."

"Breaking the spell(s) from the mother and healing the wounds from the father."

Claiming a sense of calling, purpose and meaning in life.

Turning inward; exploring the interior, contemlative life.

Shifting from the ego self to the Divine Self.

Renewing sexuality in different forms.

Pulling back their projections from the world and women (re: the tendency for men to externalize).

Sorting out the various feminine aspects within their soul.

For the middle age man, reclaiming, in a more positive fashion, his adolescent self.

Coming to terms with the shadow aspects of self and Life.

Making conscious decisions about that for which they are willing to become fools.

Evolving a more humorous, philosophical and forgiving attitude.

A growing acceptance of death.

There is an emergence of more authentic masculinity within men today.  I am grateful to assist men in their journey towards a more whole sense of self.

© 1990-2007 All rights are reserved.  No material, except where specifically noted, may be reprinted or reproduced in any form without written consent.